Support for Supporters

Who are Supporters?

A Supporter in this context is someone who can be a spouse, parent, friend, sibling, child, or other professional of someone with a Dissociative Disorder. People who care for individuals with other mental health disorders are welcome to read the information, and may find some of the resources helpful. Unfortunately at this time, there are not a lot of resources, support groups, books, and research around “best practices” to help Supporters navigate the emotional roller coaster they might be experiencing themselves. Supporters need to understand that they too are allowed to have therapy, and are going to be impacted by not only their own trauma histories potentially being triggered, but will also have to deal with Vicarious Trauma. The American Counseling Association defines vicarious trauma as “The emotional residue of exposure to traumatic stories and experiences of others through work; witnessing fear, pain, and terror that others have experienced…” There are trainings and resources around Vicarious trauma for professionals and it is important that Supporters know that they too are impacted by the role they play in the life of the person they know with a Dissociative Disorder. Just like in the airplane where you have to put your oxygen mask on first before helping someone else, the same holds true for Support people. If you are not able to take care of yourself, then you really are not in a place to support the person you care for. It is also important to recognize that the person you are supporting has a role to play themselves. In the context of adults with dissociative disorders, the adult has to learn to be responsible for their own healing. This does not mean however that a supporter cannot provide help. When a Support person wants to be in a position or finds themselves in a position of trying to help, the first step is to recognize that it is NOT the Support persons job to “fix it”, “solve it”, “make it go away”, or any other anxious thought or belief that might be occurring. To start there are two things that are very important when in that role. The first is listen to what the person with a Dissociative Disorder is asking of you, and the second is to educate yourself or with a professional on what exactly is a Dissociative Disorder to better understand why some of the things that you are seeing or hearing from that person are happening. As you are more aware of why the person you are supporting might be acting the way they are, then the less judgment, confusion, frustration, and fear will occur. This does not mean however that there will no longer be fear, frustration, confusion, along the way. It means it will be experienced in a more manageable amount. At the same time you are learning how best to support your person, taking care of your own needs is vital, and if you struggle with that aspect, then learning how to do so will also be a vital step as well.

Navigating Misinformation

If you have read the Myths and Facts section of this webpage, you should already be familiar with some of the challenges when trying to figure out what is true and not true around the diagnosis of DID and other Dissociative Disorders. Unfortunately there are still too many well meaning Doctors and other Mental Health professionals that were not properly educated on both the valid existence of dissociative disorders and that they are not as “rare” as people perceive. Think of how many people you know that have natural red hair. My guess is you have met more than one in your lifetime. That is about as many people you probably have crossed paths with that have a dissociative disorder and you never knew it. Unlike what has been show on T.V. and movies, most individuals with DID do not present with obvious states of switching, accents, styles of dress, and violent alters. Research shows that only about 6 - 8 % of individuals with DID present in a manner that has been shown on T.V. A person with DID can go years without even knowing they have DID. Going to popular websites like Discord, Tumblr, Reddit, are typically not your most reliable source for accurate information. There are also many published papers that get referenced quite often debunking DID. If you actually look at the sources of information presented in those papers, many times they are opinion pieces not backed up with evidence. If a study is referenced as evidence based, many of those studies have been re-evaluated and shown to be exaggerated and unethically published. There is still quite a bit of misinformation floating around. When you as a Support person are overwhelmed already with your emotions and the sometimes chaotic environment around you, trying to assess what is good and not good information is just one more item you may not have the mental capacity to manage. There are more and more professional organizations and resources becoming available to aid you in navigating this process. Please refer to the Finding Resources section next as well as the Resources page. by clicking on the link below it will take you to one of these organizations who have a focus on helping Supporters like yourself.

Finding Resources

This list of resources in this section are directed more towards Support people, however this still might be helpful information to those with Dissociative Disorders as well as other professionals.

A Infinite Mind : https://aninfinitemind.org

International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation: https://isst-d.org

Facebook Group called: Friends and Family of those with Dissociative Identity Disorder

Sytemspeak.org Podcast

YouTube channel: MultiplicityAndMe

Multiplied by One: https://multipliedbyone.org/online-support-groups/

Other useful resources that can be searched but are not specific to Supporting someone with a Dissociative Disorder are:

Caringbridge.org

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/

Caregiveraction.org

Just by doing a basic search around care for caregivers can lead you to many other resources specific to that arena in your local area.